Old Memories Never Die
by pansy1980
Summary: After Workforce and returning home to Earth, Janeway and Chakotay both change.
1. Chapter 1

* I have returned for the time being... I know you missed me didn't you? :)

Old Memories Never Die

It had been ten years since that day. All of the pieces of the puzzle were still clear in his mind, but the nightmares that haunted him switched the circumstances, played memory games and screamed lies and truths into a fictional plot. Out of all the harsh realities he had faced on the Starship Voyager, the lies, the deaths, missions, the friendships, the workforce camp always made him the most melancholy and the utmost frustrated.

10 years to the date since he had to help rescue the crew from the camp. 10 years her actions still hurt like hell.

10 years...

Chakotay and Kathryn had remained friends while they continued their trek home on Voyager. But they were not as "close" as they had been before. Kathryn spent most of her time in her ready room, or with Seven and the doctor, helping her with her humanity. And Chakotay was busy with the rest of the senior staff. Truthfully, he was avoiding her and knew he was. In fact the whole crew with the exception of the captain, knew he was hiding.

So when the crew of voyager suddenly appeared at Earths doorstep, he figured that finally it might be the right time to discuss their friendship and perhaps becoming a couple. He had waited for her to come to her ready room, like she had done a thousand times before. The memories of them talking and joking, made him smile softly. Perhaps today would be a grand day, a new start, and a chance for them to toast their homecoming. The end of one journey, and a start of a new life.

Perhaps.

But he was wrong.

Kathryn had walked in and immediately turned him away. She had said that she had urgent business to discuss with Starfleet. He quietly mumbled that he understood and left her to her task.

It would be another 2 years before they spoke again.

It was a chilly night on the wharf in San Francisco. The ocean waves were choppy against the howling winds, making the windows shiver against its strength. Inside a local bistro, Chakotay sat sipping some tea, starring out the large window, and watching the sun set against the ocean. The bistro was very quiet, very few people were out on Christmas Day, and the bistro was one of the few places inside the city that were open on the holiday.

Christmas was one of those holidays that Chakotays family never celebrated. In fact it wasn't until he had entered the academy that he had even seen a Christmas tree, except in holo-images. He chuckled at a fond memory he had of nearly tipping over a Christmas tree.

"Excuse me sir, would you like another refill?"

"No thank you miss, another sip and I will have to head home."

The waitress smiled and attended to the other couple near the back of the room. The couple were obviously in a new relationship, or a first date because they intrenched in a heavy conversation and were unaware of anyone else in the bistro, let alone the waitress.

"Are you planning on leaving already Chakotay, or can I talk you into having another cup with me?"

He turned only to see her halfway smiling at him. "Kathryn? Will this certainly is a surprise. What on earth are you doing out on Christmas Day alone?"

She sighed, a heavy sigh. "I was at a Christmas party but I needed some air and some time to think. I know the owners of this place and I knew it would be open."

"I see."

"Honestly Chakotay the party got a little strange for me and I felt uncomfortable and I needed to leave."

He Smiled. "Kathryn Janeway uncomfortable. Species 8472 didn't make you uncomfortable nor the Viddians." Now he laughed. In fact they both laughed.

"One of my friends that I knew at the academy was just asked if she would marry the man she has dated for years. And of course she said yes."

"Well that sounds calm enough Kathryn. I don't see why that would make you uncomfortable. I mean when two people love each other its only natural that they would take the next step." His voice trailed off as he began to stare into his tea cup. He didn't dare look at her.

She fumbled with the menu for a moment and then looked back at him. "The man that I was dating briefly asked me the same question. But I said no."

Now he looked up.. "No? Really why?"

"I cant really think of myself living with someone, let alone marrying them. That isn't really who I am Chakotay. Besides its the wrong time."

He rolled his eyes which was something he never did. "Really I figured that after only knowing Jaffen for a short time and moving in with him it would be a snap for you."

At first she looked hurt, but then her eyes changed, and she shrugged her shoulders, before looking him dead in his eyes. "My mind was altered, I can hardly be held accountable for something I did when I wasn't really myself."

He took another sip of his tea which was now very chilled. "All I know is that we spent a lot of hours and years together on Voyager and we never got as close as you did with Jaffen. And you knew him for all of what 3 days? He must have been a way better man than I am or could ever be. If I even hinted at a relationship with you, you cringed and changed the subject.

"Thats not fair Chakotay."

"Life isn't fair Captain."

Then they were both quiet. She slid off her stool and looked at him one last time. "Goodbye Chakotay, and Merry Christmas."

He wanted to say that he was sorry, that he was simply angry, that he never got to hold her the way that Jaffen had held her. That he loved her and had loved her for years. But that damn workforce camp had changed their relationship and they both could see now how much it really had changed.

So instead of going after her, he remained quiet. He sat at the table alone for a little longer, trying to think about anything but her.

He pushed his cup to the middle of the table, paid his bill and sighed. Tomorrow would be a busy day, a long and busy day. Tomorrow he boarded the shuttle home. Home to Dvoran... Home Finally.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2-

The house overlooked a field of tall red poppies, golden tulips, and tiny snapdragons. The oversized windows glowed against the hot Dvoran sun. The desert dwelling was all he imagined it could be after years of working on the plans on Voyager. He was more than proud he was delighted.

The last year had prompted many changes in the former commanders life. He had a few relatives and friends that lived near town. He frequented the local sacred site to say a solemn hello to his father and mother. He enjoyed voicing his opinion at the local town meetings. He rarely spoke to anyone from the Voyager crew, he considered them friends of the past, valuable but less needed now, that he was away from the clutches of the Delta quadrant. He grinned, far far far away from Neelixes Delta quadrant creations.

Chakotay had been busy all day making some last minute revisions to some stencil drawings he planned on placing on the ceiling of his home. The stencils were mostly symbols that his father had taught him in his youth. His creative thoughts were interrupted by a beeping sound from his computer. He tried to ignore it and return to the task at hand, but his imagination overtook him, nagging him until he finally surrendered.

_Hello Chakotay,_

"_I know its been awhile since we talked last. We didn't part on good terms, and ironically I thought in detail about what you said, about me, the workforce camp, and Jaffen."_

She cleared her voice and then "it" came out.

_I loved you a long time ago. But I let myself become sidetracked with the responsibilities I had as captain. At the end of the week I am going to marry the man, that asked me at Christmas last year. I hope you understand why I have to marry him._

_So on this the anniversary of the day of my capture, I wish to tell you goodbye and good luck with your life. I only wish the best for you and your future. _

End Transmission

"What a bitch!" She was going to try to make it seem like it was his fault that they never got together. And that was after everything that she had put him through.

He looked at the time on the wall. Damn he was going to be late. He had a date. A very important date. He finished getting dressed in his best Starfleet dress uniform, stood in font of the mirror and took a deep breath before heading out the front door.

He passed through the row of flowers, picking a few poppies as he made his way down the hill. The poppies made him smile. He nearly tripped on a rock when his thoughts took over. She was going to love this, it was going to be a first for both of them.

When Chakotay arrived at the restaurant it was nearly dark. He made his way through the crowded tables and chairs and finally saw what he had always wanted, HER.

Sitting at a table near the koi pool in a silvery dress was the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Her hair swopped over her long neck and plunged into her neckline. The sacred tribe symbol necklace he had given her was around her neck. She stood when she saw him, and smiled softly.

"I'm sorry I kept you waiting Seven."

"It is not a problem commander, I arrived a bit early and I simply have been waiting here for you since that time."

"Seven I want to ask you something very important." He slid a small black box across the table. And watched her silently. "This is for you."

Chakotay woke up with his sheets drenched in water. He looked up to see that he had left the skylight open. He closed the skylight and tore the sheets off his bed. He was just putting the sheets in the dryer when the doorbell rang.

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3

Everything was covered in a silvery white cloth of ice and snow. In fact it had not stopped snowing. Even the old doghouse in the backyard was completely covered to the roof, and the old pines in the backyard had begun to bow because of the weight of the snow.

Inside Kathryn Janeway sat at her desk in her old room, like she had done when she was in school. Only now instead of nursing quantum mechanic books she now tended to a hot cup of coffee. Her mother had always hated replicated coffee so the only thing they ever had in the Janeway house was _real_ coffee.

She sighed as she swung her legs back and forth under the table. Her feet were covered in fluffy boot slippers to keep her warm. A rustle downstairs took Kathryn out of her imagination. Her mother had been taking care of a neighbors home while they were on vacation. Knowing the neighbors, it was someplace on Earth, but very tropical. The neighbors hated snow almost as much as the Borg hated species 8472.

"Kathryn Janeway are you up yet?"

Kathryn laughed. "Yes mom I have been up for awhile."

"Do you want breakfast?"

"No just some hot coffee."

"OK."

"I'll be down in a few minutes." She fixed her hair one time in the mirror and grabbed the cup of semi-cold coffee and made her way down the stairs. She had just made it down the last stair when her mother called out from the study.

"Kathryn there is an incoming transmission for you. I think its from a man called the doctor. He said its important that you contact him ASAP on a secure channel."

"Did he say anything else mom?"

"I'm afraid not."

"Try not to worry Kathryn, I am sure everything is OK."

Kathryn was nervous when she contacted the doctor. She could feel the knots in her stomach turning over and over again. The doctor and she had not spoken in a long time and they had had a long discussion before Voyager had returned to earth. Apparently he was concerned about her welfare and the growing distance between the two of them. He had said that she had changed, in fact he had said the whole crew could feel how much she had changed. She dismissed him and that was the last time they had spoke.

"I'm sorry to have to contact you at home Captain."

"What is it doctor?"

"Its about Seven. "I'm afraid that she is dying." "Apparently her Borg implants have begun to shut down." "I think it has to do with the amount of time she has been out of the collective." "She is deteriorating quickly." She might have a week left." "I know how important she is to you, and I figured you would want to say goodbye."

"Is she still on the Saturn station with you?"

"Yes, I am doing everything to make her comfortable. We have the best doctors in the entire quadrant working on her case, but if you wish to say goodbye, you should come to the station."

"Thank you doctor."

"Your welcome Captain." "And again I am so sorry."

End transmission

"Mom I am going to have to leave."

Chakotay finally answered the chime on the 4th ring. Whoever it was, was very persistent and patient. Thank goodness he wasn't a gambling man, because he would have never guessed who was at the door. He never thought he would see the Delta Quadrant gourmet Neelix, ever again, and certainty not at _his_ front door.

"Commander! Its so good to see you!"

"Neelix, how on earth are you here?"

He laughed. "Its a long story, but lets just say I did some business for some people on a neighboring planet and we were on our way back to the Delta Quadrant when we stalled and then all of a sudden we were in the Alpha quadrant." "So here I am, to visit my old commander, and friend."

"Please come in Neelix."

Neelix turned around in circles a few times admiring Chakotays home.

"Can I get you something to eat or drink Neelix?"

"Your house is beautiful commander, and no nothing for me."

"I heard an interesting rumor on one of the space stations, that I thought might interest you."

Chakotay laughed. "Oh and what rumor is that Neelix?"

"Its about Seven."

TBC


	4. Whats Left

Chapter 4- Whats left

Even though it had been a few years since Voyager had returned to the Alpha quadrant, Kathryn Janeway still found certain "perks" came along when she needed them. For example the transport station ship to Saturn was always full. But because of her rank and her heroic mission back to earth, she managed to hop on the shuttle without a single delay.

It wasn't a long trip but she spent the time reflecting on her relationship with Seven. She thought about how much she had grown on Voyager as a human, as a woman, and a treasured member of her crew. The time had really come for her to forgive her for trying to have a relationship with a member of her crew, and mostly for trying to find her humanity as a woman. Her older counterpart had warned her before they had made it back to Earth that Seven and Chakotay had already started a budding relationship. She ignored the "signs" and a part of her began to really despise Chakatoy. Her thoughts were interrupted by the operator announcing that soon they would be docking at the Saturn Station.

Because the doctor had been busy with Sevens care a member of his staff had com to greet her at the dock. He was a very tall and thin man, and extremely quiet. It was almost as if he was very scared of her. Perhaps the stories of her "anger" had reached the station. She laughed thinking of the species that had fallen into line when she would simply give them the Janeway stare.

Chakotay for the most part was torn about going to see Seven. She hadn't always been his most favorite person. In fact there were many times he wished he could have thrown her out an airlock. Or even better given her that virus that he contracted on the planet he and the captain had been stranded on. He chuckled, and wondered how efficient Seven could have been with a monkey and a wooden bathtub.

But he finally decided t go and say goodbye to Seven, not because he had totally forgiven her, but because there was a chance that he would later regret his choice not to say goodbye. She had always been difficult but she was still a crew member and deserved that level of respect. They had shared a few meals together, multiple kisses, and several hugs, even though he was still angry that she had made a holosuite program of him and her, doing more than that.

When Kathryn Janeway arrived at the hospital, it seemed as if everyone knew where she was headed and either pointed her in the right direction, or simply said "I'm sorry" as she walked by. When she finally saw Seven through the glass, it was a Seven she never had seen before. Seven was very thin, her bones could be seen through the skin, and her skin was a ghostly white. Her hair only had a few strands remaining, and even those were gray.

"Doctor, I got here as soon as I could."

"I know, thank you captain, she has been asking for you. She is fading quickly so you should go right in."

"Thank you Doctor."

The door closed behind her. She made her way to the bedside, and looked at the Seven she didn't recognize. Sevens eyes opened slowly. Her eyes were no longer blue, they were hazy and white, almost the same color as her skin.

"Captain it is good to see you. I have a few things I must tell you. They are very important. First I wish to thank you for rescuing me from the collective. I know that you must think I blame you for my current condition. But I do not. With your help I was able to live a life I would have never had as part of the Borg. The second thing is my safety locker contains a box, which has your name on the top of it. It is something that I believe you will find useful on your continuing journey. Please take it back with you to Earth, and when you return home, open it. Consider it a farewell present."

Seven closed her eyes

"Doctor!"

"It is ok Captain it is a mild sedative. She has it running through her system every few hours to decrease her level of pain. She was injected with it just before you arrived. It is all I can do for her, and it is the only way to keep her somewhat comfortable. She kept telling me that comfort was irrelevant, but eventually she gave in to my demands for her."

"I thought that,"

"I know"

Kathryn faced the doctor. "I know how much you care about her Doctor, she was like your perfect student when we were on Voyager, this must be extremely difficult for you."

The doctor didn't answer her, instead he simply changed the subject.

"Have you spoken to Chakotay yet? I heard he has arrived to say goodbye to Seven as well."

"I had no idea he was even on the station. In fact it has been a very long time since we have spoken."

"Shame."

"I know but given our history we seem to have our off years and good days."

"Your stubborn and so is he."

She turned stunned by his statement.

"You both care about each other, but you let yourselves hurt one another. And you both act like an old married couple. In fact you fight more than Tom and Belanna."

"Doctor I assure you we are friends but we will never be more than that. I know for certain that he might care about me as my friend, but nothing more than that. And I am not planning on moving to Dvoran and he isn't going to move to Indiana. We are two different people who found shelter on the same star ship, but we cant be more than that. I understand that and so does Chakotay."

The doctor was very quiet.

Kathryn took the doctors hand. "A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where would they live?"

What Kathryn didn't know was that as she was finishing her last sentence, Chakotay had made his way around the corner. He had heard everything.

He ignored Kathryn and simply asked the Doctor when it would be a good time to say his farewells to Seven. The Doctor had told him in a few hours, and he agreed to be back at that time. Kathryn started to say something, but Chakotay interrupted her before she could even begin.

"Captain all I want to do is say goodbye to Seven, say the prayer of my people, that she will find her family on the other side of life. I want nothing more than that. Now if you will excuse me."

She didn't follow him. And even though she had spent a few years training on the station, she felt alone. Kathryn found herself in one of the only spots that served coffee. She sat on one of the overstuffed couches, facing the view of the stars. She sipped a cup of coffee, remembering the years on Voyager, in her ready room, staring into the same sky, cup of coffee in her hand, wishing she were home.

Chakotay had returned in an hour, and Seven was awake when he entered her room.

"Commander, I wish to say thank you for your friendship. I know that our relationship hasn't always been easy, and I am sorry for the problems that I caused for you on Voyager. In my locker there is a box with your name on it, it contains something very important for you. I hope that in time you learn to forgive me for my failings as a human."

Chakotay placed his hand over her thin pale hand. She closed her eyes as he said a goodbye prayer. When Chakotay opened his eyes after the prayer, tears formed in them. He knew that she had passed.

"Captain, it has been a pleasure knowing you. Please do not forget what I have said." The ghostly image of Seven disappeared from Kathryn Janeway.

In that same moment the Doctor appeared.

"I am afraid she is gone Captain."

The Doctor sat next to Kathryn Janeway as she cried tears into his shoulder.

*This section is dedicated to those who are gone. We remember them through our tears and our thoughts. Never forgetting those who have shaped our lives and fulfilled them. We always miss you.


End file.
